Keeping Jealousy Out

Jealousy and envy are emotions that everyone experiences from time to time (whether it be in the context of friendships, romance or work), but that doesn't mean it's easy to deal with these feelings. Fortunately, there are ways to keep them from affecting your life -- and the first step is understanding how they differ.

While most people use the words "jealousy" and "envy" interchangeably, they're actually two distinct emotions. Jealousy is solicited anytime there is a threat to something that is of value to an individual (in other words, it's that icky feeling you get when you are afraid something will be taken away from you). Envy, on the other hand, is the emotion solicited when somebody has something that you want for yourself.

One reason why people often mistake the two for each other is because jealous reactions and envious reactions often look similar, explains Yochi Cohen-Charash, Ph.D., an associate professor in the Department of Psychology at Baruch College and the Graduate Center of the City University of New York.

With envy, "the gap is between what you have and what the other person has -- the other has something you want to have but don't have," Cohen-Charash explains to HuffPost. So the goal becomes to reduce this gap by bringing the other down (through harming them), or bringing yourself up. But with jealousy, the idea is to protect yourself from having something taken away from you.

"So oftentimes, both emotions will result in aggression, which makes it more confusing for most people to differentiate between them," she says. "In envy, you want to harm the person because you don't want them to be superior over you. In jealousy, you harm because you don't want them to take something away from you."

In addition, jealousy is often -- though not always -- accompanied by envy, Cohen-Charash says. For instance: If your significant other seems to be attracted to another woman, you might feel jealous and be afraid that this will lead to your partner leaving you -- and you might also feel envious of this woman's appearance, wealth, education, or sense of humor.

Envy, on the other hand, can very easily "live" without jealousy -- for instance, you can envy something someone else has, but it doesn't spur any feelings of jealousy, where you're afraid something of your own will be taken from you.

So now that the distinction between the two emotions is clear, what can we do to stop both from interfering with life? Why do some people seem impervious to jealousy and envy triggers, while others are more bothered? And can the emotions ever be positive?

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