Recollections: Somewhere in the Tennessee Valley…
by Alex Hutchins
Most of the time, I would rather write, walk, read, or perhaps sleep that watch what is currently on the “tube” or the flood of drivel coming out of Hollywood; but, recently I watched and heard the following phrase, “I’d rather regret the things that I have done than regret the things that I have not done.” Needless to say, this caught my attention.
Throughout my life, I have strengthened my back muscles by walking or running against the wind. I have been called a “rebel,” a “loose cannon,” a “hoodlum,” and a “trouble-maker.” I have not been kicked-out of bars for fighting, but I have been terminated from employment for standing up for that in which I believe, but not quite a “whistleblower.” I have become divorced and “taken advantaged of” by a former State’s Attorney General because my heart lead me in a different direction. I have been baptized twice: once by my parents without my consent and once by a close, personal friend with my consent. I have been diagnosed with an INTJ personality, while remaining in the “middle child” syndrome when returning home, and have done pretty good hiding the tears and fears because I was born on Halloween.
I have acquired a taste for listening to books rather than reading them which I know would have changed the course of my life, if these recordings were available to me earlier. I have served my country as an enlisted man (the first in the family, I might add), receiving what was referred to as “an early out” to return to College. The only “action” I saw was following a Russian Spy Ship in the Med for a month that finally stopped and signaled to our captain that they wanted to trade vodka for oranges.
I have “fathered” a beautiful and brilliant daughter and have many disjointed memories like that poetic reflections that I have been writing down for the last 30+ years. It took cancer and a heart attack to humble me even though 3 bouts of unemployment made a serious, collegiate attempt. I have acquired many “superficial friends” over my 42 year working career, but the ones I made in High School, plus Larry Bowen and Vic Adamus will remain in my heart and mind literally forever; while my family, bless their hearts, have always stood beside me, no matter how often my behavior “tarnished” the family.
But, “I’d rather regret the things that I have done than regret the things that I have not.”
8 comments:
I would call you blessed even in suffering. Sounds like a great life to me, despite the suffering and regrets. We all have those, so you are never alone. Your regrets can be healed when you choose not to repeat the mistakes that caused them. We all make mistakes and is what makes us wiser. With that logic I should be a very wise old man by now.
No one should ever regret the things they have not done because we cannot do it all nor even learn it all in the very short time we have here in this place. If you still have things that need to be done, go ahead and take that first step now. I am not sure we really know exactly where it is we are going but must assume it continues beyond the grave.
I am blessed and I understand that but I also wonder about my life had it been different... Sometimes our strangeness makes us unusual, but sometimes it just makes us strange.
Thanks for your comments Dan.
Alex, I knew you when you were a rebel, a loose cannon and a hooligan, and I loved you then and I love you now! I too was fired from a job for expressing my opinion about the Vietnam war. I've been arrested twice for my participation in animal rights activities, a badge I proudly wear! I never regret my outspokenness (is that a word?) because when I speak, it is from my heart! I love you Alex!
Actor Paul Rudd said in an interview "I've had varying degrees of helplessness and shame and anger throughout my life. I'm really glad it doesn't go away, because I've learned to capitalize on that feeling."
I appreciate the comments, love, and support, and I understand what you are saying, but it weighs on my head, and I am glad I am who I am, but sometimes I just wonder...
Nothing wrong with pondering on what might have been if different choices were made, but I don't think any of us should have any regrets because those different choices would have brought the always present "unintended consequences" regardless.
The better thing to think about when researching the past is to tally up those blessings. Many of those same ones would not be there if you were to go back and change things.
The only things I wonder about in my life are why I got married twice! My mouth has not only served me well, its also gotten me in trouble a time or two. I regret nothing in my past and hope I can continue to "be me" in the future.
The only thing I do regret is when I have hurt others. There was nothing to be gained by that. However what is done is done and difficult to repair. I can't do much about that except to appologize and then not repeat the same mistake going forward.
This is beginning to sound like "true confessions", Terry, thanks for speaking out, but it is all about going forward isn't it? I hope you can be you in the future too. When we try to be someone else based on someone else's expectations we end up going down the wrong path for ourselves.
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