Gimme Do Over

A little over 20 years ago, an article appeared on my brother and I in a well known daily newspaper in which I was quoted as saying that I found what my brother did as “morally repugnant.” 

Other comments that I had made “off the record” were also included... so much for trusting a reporter.

My brother sailed through that article without a scar but not only did I loose my job but I lost my family's trust, respect, and support for at least 10 years and I doubt that I really have it back now. 

I was also “blackballed” from working in an middle or upper management capacity for a decade and within a 100 mile radius; and, if you do not think that an HR Department has that kind of power, think again, because they do.

My biggest claim to shame in my employers eyes was not the fact that I said my employment was solely based upon me keeping the employees busy with TQM training while they sold the company behind their backs but that I had gotten my Eagle Scout Award inappropriately.

What happened was that I wrote a letter to the BSA office claiming to be my father stating that my son (me) had completed all the requirement to get my Nature Merit Badge... which I had not but I did not want to wait another 90 days until my project was complete which I did (btw) actually complete.

My “alcohol induced” bragging and boasting had cost me my self-esteem, self-confidence, self-respect and it would be years before I would allow it to return... and, to tell you the truth, I am really not sure if it ever did.

Had that reporter not violated my privacy there is no telling what might have happened to me or to my future direction, but he did; and, he did because I was too cocky for my own good.

I am sure that there are others who have made this mistake and I am sure that there will continue to others who make this mistake as it is part of a “Fall From Grace” though which we all have to pass at some point in our lives... and, it is usually at a time, least expected.

Fortunately, my fall was at a period in my life where there was plenty of time to recover and that is exactly what I did.

But, there are many ways to fall from grace, such as:

• The notorious Enron Saga
• Being bought out by another company
• Being pushed out by fellow employees
• Being forced to retire early
• Athletes realizing they can no longer compete

Sometimes, it is necessary for the really cocky ones (like myself) to “Fall From Grace” more than once or even more than twice or thrice, in which case it boarders on stupidity rather than on a profound learning experience.

In my case, there is always someone above me who does not do their job the way I would have done their job which is the way it really should have been done or the only way.

No ego here... lol

Gimme a Do Over... is not for me, and I will tell you why because don't think I haven't thought about it many times.

First Do Over,

I think I would have joined ROTC when I first enrolled in college in 1966. If I had done that and stayed in for 20 years, I would have been “released” from active duty in 1988 when I was 41 years old and no doubt would have gotten a Masters Degree from Phoenix Online and maybe would have gone further. And, I could have worked another 20 years taking me to 61. Two retirements plus Social Security.

Second Do Over,

If I had stayed at the Community College in North Carolina instead of trying to build my career and money, I would have retired in 2006 with a retirement amount and Social Security.

Third Do Over,

If I had stayed at the Community College in Tennessee, instead of trying to build my consulting career and my money, I would have retired in 2010 with a retirement amount and Social Security.

Fourth Do Over,

If I had not been so foolish with spending my money thinking investing in real estate was a “sure bet” and if the stock market had not gone “belly up” in 2008, I would have been able to have triple the “nest egg” that I currently have.

Yes, I am aware that this 4^th one is not really the same as the other 3 and therefore should not really be counted in the Do Overs... ok, so let's take it out...

If I had a Do Over, would I really change any of those 3?

My first response is Probably Not... but, that is leaving a door open and knowing myself and my thought processes and what caused me to do what I did in the first place, the answer would always be a resounding NO.

I know that maybe people have done really well with Do Overs in a marriage or in a job or with their estranged children, but they would not work for me unless my basic personality changed and I really don't see how I would or could do that.

I have learned not to use profane language when in the presence of religious people but I don't consider that I Do Over. I have also learned not to smoke cigarettes or not to drink as much alcohol as I once did, but I don't call that a Do Over either... as, those are simply changing or stopping something, whereas, if one were give a Do Over, one's entire personality would have to change in order for that Do Over to work as Do Overs are intended to work.

For example, let's return to my First Do Over: In 1966, the last think I wanted to do was be in the Military and it had nothing to do with not wanting to defend America and her freedoms but more along the lines that I did not see myself as a typical Military man, taking orders, wearing a uniform, killing people, and running the risk of being killed myself.

• I was a rebel...
• a non conformist...
• a rule breaker...
• had a naïve disdain for authority...
• and was not a hunter...

However, this last one brings up a forgotten memory. When I was in the Boy Scouts of America, I joined the NRA (National Rifle Association) and would go every Saturday to the Ft Belvoir Military Base Firing Range.

But, before I could fire a 22 rifle on the range, I had to take a Weapons class that taught us safety as well as how to shoot a rifle.

The lowest score you could make and still pass was a 75 which is exactly what I received. Our class had to shoot at a specific time so I was on the range with my fellow, former students. Most of them had fancy gun coats and rifles with expensive telescope spotters on tripods beside them, making it theoretically better to adjust trajectories.

During our first competition where we were with all the classes whether BSA or not, I won the 1^st Place trophy in the following categories: Standing, Sitting, and Prone.

After the competition, I informed my Dad that I no longer wanted to shoot. Maybe there was just nothing left to prove for me... but, I did realize that classroom tests do not measure one's ability at all.

Maybe this is why Do Overs would not work for me.