She responded with, “Stop being so lazy, light-skin.”
I really wasn’t offended by the light-skin reference, but I was totally caught off guard by the way she used the term. See light-skinnededness (no that’s not a real word) has been the target of black humor for a while now, but usually people just say, “Stop being so light-skinned.”
A lot of y’all are probably wondering what that even means so I’ll break it down for you (sorry black people, bear with me here- I know ya’ll already know this stuff). It actually means somewhat different things if it’s being used to describe a guy or a girl, although there are some commonalities.
Guy acting light-skinned means:
- Showing and expressing emotions too freely,
- Being too “friendly”,
- Doing anything that could be seen as gay or feminine,
- Acting like Drake and/or listening to too much Drake,
- And just generally being “soft”
- Acting boojie- in essence acting like you’re better than others (this also applies to guys somewhat, but not nearly as much as it applies to girls),
- …that pretty much covers it for girls actually.
When I was asked to write about this, I must admit that I had a “general” idea as to what “light skinned” might means as I have only used it as it pertains to African Americans but the note to be implied that teens were having to live and cope with this phrase which therefore and automatically gave it a bad connotation but no doubt was being used a bullying tactic.
But, I am white and and I am as white as white can be... at least that's what I was told by Henry Louis Gates Jr. recently when he was presenting to us our family genealogy... plus, not only am I white but I am old too so how would anyone who is 67 relate to anyone (especially a female) who is 17 with half a century difference in age.
There seems to be, at least to me, some perverse mindset that is developed in and displayed by teenagers where an important part of time is taking the time to put down others but only if one is a member of a “click” that actually reinforces that type of “shitty” behavior. And, most “clicks” have no problem reinforcing that type of behavior because they really don't have anything else that is substantial to hold them together.
As far as my age is concerned... well, this same kind of crap happened when I was a teenager and this same kind of crap happened when my father was a teenager and no doubt his father as well.
Words and Phrases change from one generation to the next but “put downs,” “bullying,” and “hazing” have remained the same which does not make it any better or lessen the impact but it does help understand that this kind of behavior took place before you.
Actually, I was on both sides of the fence and then some because I was getting harassed at school and receiving verbal abuse at home from my father. I learned to hold it in but sometimes I had to fight to let it out, and when I did so, it was not to defend my honor but to defend the honor of someone smaller than me.
Most of the time, when people are making ugly or derogatory comments about you or a friend, you can pretty count on the fact that these people are projecting their own fears and concerns about themselves onto you as a mechanism of self-protection while at the same time getting reinforcement from their peers, laying the stage for them to continue their assault.
Very few of us do any kind of introspection at all because if we did, we would realize that these comments say more about us than they do about the person to whom they are directed and usually because the person making these comments has low self-esteem or low self-confidence or both and needs his teammates to reinforce otherwise... so, the comments towards you are more designed to illicit a response from peers than it is to attack you...
And if, we introspected we would see that... but, we don't.
The really sad part of all of this is that these phrases have been said and heard so often and so long that they simply have become part of the American Experience and Culture and don't really mean the same as when they were first being used.
I mean I can say someone is a “TWIT” and they really are a “Twit,” but I can also say someone is a “Twit” when they aren't really a “twit” at all but it is being said to evoke a friendly response. The same is true for this phrase: “You Sorry Sack of Siberian Sheep Shit!” At one time, that was a “put down” but nowadays is it used so much that it has become a positive salutation upon meeting someone after a long time of separation.
Since people on both sides of the equation will not back-off from “racism” either with their actions or their saying then our only solution, to me, seems to be a push for interracial marriages. No, not that... we will eventually learn to keep our mouths shut... but, that will never happen.
We will always have differences among people and between races and within races since no one or very few want to self regulate... but, if we did not have differences in the various tones of our skins, then we would be forced to make fun of those who were:
- attractive or ugly
- smart or stupid
- fat or thin
- tall or short
- athletic or not
- musical or not
- heavy chest hair or not
- big nose or not
- big boobs or not
Endnote: It may come across as a little over-simplistic, or that I have no idea what I am talking about since I am a white guy discussing African American issues regarding to different shades of color.. and, you are no doubt right to all of that... and, I have no way of knowing what it is like to be brought up and raised as an African American... either in an affluent neighborhood or in a less than affluent neighborhood. True... true... all true... But, I do know what it is like to be bullied, harassed, and constantly criticized which is exactly what is happening here and I don't have to be African American to know what that type of hazing feels like. And, whether you are white or black, it does not feel good.
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