How To Shrink A Head

I would suspect that not many of you have ever wondered about the process of shrinking a head; I mean, why would you want to?  But, in case you ever did, here is a three step process.

Step One: Deflesh

First, the victim's scalp is removed, starting at an incision made across the back of the neck parallel to the bottoms of the ears. Using the flap of skin created by this cut, pull towards the top of the head and then again toward the face, peeling the skin away from the skull on the back and top of the head. 

Use a sharp knife to work the flesh away from the bone around the facial features and scrape away the cartilage from the nose and ears. The eyelids are sewn shut and the lips held together with three wooden pins. 

Once the skin was removed, you simply tossed the skull away.

Step Two: Simmer

With the flesh taken from the head, place it in a filled pot of water and set the pot on a fire outside or on the stove depending upon where you might be at the time.  While the time here varies, the flesh from the head must simmer for an hour or two after it is brought to a boil. 

When it’s removed, the head is a little smaller than it was originally, but not much. The head is turned inside out and stripped of any remaining fat, cartilage or muscle, and the incision on the back of the neck is sewn shut.

Step Three: Apply Stones and Sand

The head, now completely sealed except for the hole where the neck used to attach, is further shrunk with sand and stones heated on another fire. The hot stones are dropped into the head through the neck hole and the head is rotated continuously to avoid scorching. 

When the head shrinks and becomes too small to accommodate the stones, sand is poured in it instead and the head is shaken to drive the sand into the crevices the stones couldn’t reach. Once the head is the right size, carefully use hot stones to sear the exterior skin and shape the head and facial features. 

The finished product is then left to further dry and harden. 

The entire process takes about a week.

After the head is done, you can sit it on your mantel above your fireplace or put it on a stick outside your front door to ward off evil spirits.  Ex spouses should not even be considered...   LOL.