Reason for Unhappiness #9 - Holding on to Someone Who HHurt You

by Laura Heffner

Who among us has held onto someone way to long?  I can put up both arms, a leg and even some toes if I can balance well enough.  Not only do I hold on to them for dear life, I married not one, but TWO of them.  It wasn't until I was seven years into my first marriage that I learned what a narcissist even was and that I had indeed married one and dated many.  As a child of an alcoholic parent, I was a prime target for these kind of people, whether they be romantic partners or just friends.  I was mired so deep into that life that six years after my first divorce, I married another narcissist who disguised it by pointing out that he didn't do this like my ex or he didn't treat me like that, like my ex.  

I can understand why I took my first husband back after he left me when our eldest was ten months old.  I had taken a solemn vow, before God and the world, that I would not forsake my husband.  After about the, well, I lost track, #xx infidelity and two more children, I gave up.  He was destroying the business we built with his irresponsible behaviors and I was not going to watch it all crumble around me.  My only regret was I should have held onto our business.  Note to self at that time - Ditch the husband - Keep the thriving business... 

Hindsight is always 20/20 as they say and there is no truer statement than that.      It's hard not to wonder what my life would have been like had I walked away during the first infidelity.  If I had not taken him back when he begged me.  Of course I would not have my other two amazing kids, but what if?  When we hold onto someone who is no good for us, we disrespect ourselves and we de-value our needs.  In my case, I was always putting them first.  If I just did this or if I did that, then they would change.  

NOTE:  If you are waiting for someone to change for your life to be better, you need to be the one to make the change.  

Only you can make the decision of whom should be part of your life.  But sometimes, though letting go is hard, it is one of the best decisions you can make.  And if you believe you can't make it on your own, sit down and write down everything you do for yourself and your family now.  Or if it's a friend who is toxic to you.  Don't you have other friends?  Sometimes we outgrow our friends as we grow as people.  I look back now and see how many of my close friends of my youth are not quite what I had thought when we reconnected years later.  

Life is short.  Very short.  You don't have a day to waste.  My mother received news this past week that her cancer is back.  She is in her early 70's.  Too young to be looking so closely at her mortality.  What would you change if you knew you didn't have long to live?  Who would not be part of you life?  I think we all need to look at this now and again...  

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